You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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