My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
