Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I need to stop coming to work sober
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
