she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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