so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
