My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
