He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
