If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize
