Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
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