Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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