Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Four minutes until I can fart!
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
