Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
