I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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