Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
