If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize