True but thats because hes a fetus.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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