I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
