i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
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