...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
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You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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