I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
