so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
