I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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