Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
