I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
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