How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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