Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Randomize
