Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
