If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize