You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
