I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
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