I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
