I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
