i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
