Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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