I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
