Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
