Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
