Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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