Your mouth is God's brothel.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
