Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
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You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
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Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize