You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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