I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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