Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
