Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
