Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
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I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
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you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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