I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
