oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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