Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
