Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
