I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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