what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.