sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.