I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.