I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
he thought i was a dude.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
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