billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Randomize
