My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess