I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
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It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
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I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza