i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
