Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
