You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
