now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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