i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
