dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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