you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
