he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
