You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
