if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
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then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
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Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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