wake up i wanna do it froggy style
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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