Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Randomize
