at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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