I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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