carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
